Writing Through Stress
Despite the title, writing through stress isn't something I do well. When stressed, I tend to veg out and watch TV...anything on TV (well, almost anything—you couldn't pay me to watch Flavor of Love...actually, pay enough and maybe—we could use the money), or play on the PlayStation. There's just something about killing bad guys on the PS that even non-violent me can get into. But it also sucks up my brain and my time. So after editing for the day, I take my chapter down to the living room (where I keep an eye on my son after school) with good intentions, and yet I never follow through. I end up playing instead (especially now that the cable is out...DVDs? what are those?) And it usually doesn't help with the stress/depression.
Which really has me wondering how well I'll do when I actually have a novel out and another that should be on the way., but that's probably for another entry/discussion since there's a whole lot more that plays into that concern than the stress factor.
The last week and a half have been very stressful. Most of that should be alleviated tomorrow, but it still means almost no work this past week. I did manage a decent bit this past weekend, but that was early enough in the situation that it wasn't as bad as this week. This week has made it clear to me that I need to find a way to keep working despite the stress. I'm already 5 chapters behind schedule on A.C. It might be my own schedule, but I imposed it to try to learn to meet deadlines, which I'm so not doing right now. I met 99.9% of my deadlines in college, but that's a whole different kind of writing (although, some of my ECS projects were totally killer)—it wasn't nearly as hard as novel writing. And not nearly as time consuming.
Regardless, I've got to find a way to keep working despite the downs of life. I suppose the first thing is to resist the PlayStation (oddly enough, I can write/revise when the TV is on—it provides a way for me to handle the ADHD but doesn't seem to take over unless I'm too stressed and tired and can't find the energy/motivation to do more than just lay there and stare). I'd take today and toss in a season of Stargate SG-1 or a movie or something, but I have editing to do. My overly developed sense of responsibility won't allow me to let other people down if I can help it. I've got deadlines coming up and authors waiting on me to get their work published.
Maybe that's a clue for writing through the stress and making deadlines (especially if the novel ever gets submitted/accepted): somehow seeing it as my responsibility to others—the agent, the editor, the publisher, someone—and using that to stay on target. Right now, the only person I'm responsible to is me. For me, not meeting the deadline just means another delay in starting the query process, and that's just not enough to kick me in my arse and get me back on track. It should be, but it's not. There's no money riding on me finishing on time, no one else I'm responsible to for it, not even a grade involved. It's quite possible that having a contract will change the whole deadline process for me because then something WILL be riding on finishing on time.
Definitely something to think about.
