The holidays were okay for us. The food didn't quite come out as good as usual, but it was okay. I told hub that I really need to start writing down what I do when I make my game hens so I have an idea of what works. Maybe then I wouldn't have these off years.
Actually, I probably would anyway.
We miss the oldest -- ticket prices were to high for her to come out this year. And the kids' father could have had better timing (we told him none of this arriving on Christmas day again -- it throws everyone off). But, overall, it was a pretty good holiday. Of course, we have other plans over the next few days that will take up time, but the truly busy part of everything is over and done with.
Which gives me about a week to get some writing in before the whole work thing comes up again. Actually, maybe even longer since I'm only in my long term classroom for 3 days and I don't plan to take another long term any time soon. (Unless, of course, I get that ft/p position I've been trying for for 2 1/2 years now.)
Today I started with some Randi Kayde. Managed just over 1300 words. It was a bit on the slow going side, but it did feel good. Because I've been out of the habit for awhile, I also had to keep reminding myself to just write and worry about all the details later.
1300 words is pretty good after so long. I'll take it.
it's most definitely another. The plan is to write during this 2 week break I have, I just have to get past the holiday mess. Cleaning and baking are taking up all my time.
But I miss Randi Kayde and do so plan to get back to her.
This week I work only Monday and Tuesday -- the rest of the week is Thanksgiving vacation. Then I just need to survive until December 15th or so (maybe the 20th). Then this job is over. I can take a break and breathe for a bit, refuse any new long term jobs for a bit, get back into what I love to do instead of what I must do.
And it will be so nice to be able to do that again.
My recent disappearance this past week or so hasn't been deliberate. My comp is down for the count and being looked at by a friend at the school I'm working at, and it won't be back until later this week at the earliest.
It's been a rough week or so. No writing, too much stressing, even the phone was down for awhile there.
See, the local cable company was offering a very good price on cable internet and digital phone service. Being along the lines of a starving artist, we decidede that it might be prudent to check into the offer and give it a go. Others have said that cable internet is faster (not that I mind DSL, actually) and that they have had pretty good expierences with the company. So we decided to give it a shot -- internet and phone for half the price we were paying sounded pretty good to us.
Except it didn't work out that way. The phone would only work connected in one place, and even then, died within 2 hours. The internet worked for my computer, so tech tried to get his computer online, got it then my computer wouldn't get online. They initially said that they don't support Win98S.E. (!) then attempted to get the computer online. They never did manage to get me back online and also managed to screw up my machine in the process. Not even sure what they did, but I can now access programs, but opening directories is impossible. I already had a scan disk fault, although that wasn't interfering with anything, just when I had to hit the emergency button. A new tech came out over the weekend to take care of a "incomplete/fqaulty installation." He got the phone working . . . for about 2 hours again.
At this point, we said for get it. We called back our old phone company and got ourselves ransferred back. Machine is still down, but the internet will work as it needs to when I get it back. Phone is up and running again. And we even get bonus prizes -- money for the modem, money for coming back, and my old deposit should be on its way back as well.
In the meantime, my time online is sketchy at best. I use the husband's machine for short periods when home. The school's network doesn't allow LJ or a number of the other places I visit, so I may be online, but I'm not really around. Until I have ny nachine back and some more time, I'm not writing much either -- which is the most depressing part of this mess. I'll be back as soon as I can.
Therre's a lot of talk about how writers need to be readers and need to write every day and so on. Very little is said about how writers need to also be learners. We never really fully know our craft -- there's always something new to explore and learn, whether it's a new genre or new guidelines about what works or new background information that we need for a story or novel. Writers should always be pushing their boundaries or they become stale.
I'm learning a "new" genre. Under A Blood Moon is urband fanrasy, not so hard, mixed with mystery, I guess. Think Dresden Files meets Anita Blake, only with a paranormal main character. Now, I read these books, and Phyllis A. Whitney. Reading mysteries doesn't prepare you for writing them as much as one would think. While I'm still using my NPB method, I've had to add a step or two and modify a few things. And there are so many questions -- what forensics do I need to know? How do I keep the real perpetrator from being obvious? Then there's the doubt -- can I really do this?
I'm plowing through and trying to keep it fun while I do -- Assassin's was such a struggle despite being a learning novel, that I need fun in addition to not mind bending. But every step of the way comes with new questions. I just did a timeline and not only found an error (I doubt a detective agency would be open on a Sunday -- most places aren't) that I'm going to have to figure out how to fix (I just need some Sunday padding), but am now wondering if the time from start to finish is too short. Granted, I'm not done yet, but there's also not been much "down" time so it's only been 11 days so far.
I did end up cutting a murder from the total. So, today I get to make the adjustments, then I get to turn those adjustments into the narrative draft format. I was worried it would be too much work and I'd have to go back to the outline, but it'll be fine.
Best of all, despite the second guessing and all the doubt and the questions, I'm enjoying the story and delving into the genre. And that's a very good sign.
So it begins. I haven't done much writing of late -- work has had me too busy and too tired even though I'm not bringing it home with me, and when I do write, an age old problem of mine has started cropping up. I've begun the Second Guessing Game.
This game starts when I look at my plot and either "realize" it's so flawed that I need to rework it or when specific scenes seem "lame" to me. This usually doesn't start until I'm into the revisions, but for Blood Moon, it has begun while working on my narrative draft -- the first "official" expansion in the NPB process. At this point I'm trying to ignore it and keep writing. Everything broken can be fixed in revisions, and I know that the game is just my lack of self-confidence showing, but it still manages to drive me up the wall when it starts.
And i just don't have time for it right now.
Assuming I'm not offered a FT/P position with the district (a position I'm wanting less and less), I'll be applying for a masters program that has a novel as the final "thesis" project. That novel needs to be fresh, but with the way I write, I'll have to start prep work as soon as I'm accepted into the program. If I don't finish Blood Moon, I'll have 3 novels in progress and needing attention. That's too much even for me. And I could really use a completed project right now, if only to prove that I can complete a project. I need to get this novel done, completely done, and the Second Guessing Game doesn't fit into the timetable.
So I'm just going to keep writing. Which is exactly what other authors said they would do as well. Keep writing and fix what's broken later.
The one thing I hate about writing is that, for most authors, it's not a career you can rely on for the bills. At one time, writing was a self-supporting career, but it hasn't been that way for a very long while. Unlike other writers (some of them at least), I just can't take a leap of faith with my writing and devote myself to it as my only career. Just the past 2 or 3 years have shown that. Of course, I don't have a finished novel either -- maybe that makes a difference. I doubt it, but it's possible. Regardless, I'm stuck working until (if) I have a writing career that supports me because I have kids. It's been hard enough on us as a family without mommy suddenly cutting 50% of our income.
Which means there's a lot of interference with my writing. Work eats up time, energy, and personal resources. Since I'm a substitute teacher, this doesn't happen just during job hours. For long term assignments, I'm often making the plans and doing the grading. The time in the classroom, especially when the school year is just starting, is exhausting. I come home and I can barely find the energy to check mail, much less the energy to write anything. Saying it sucks doesn't even begin to cover it.
But we have to eat, pay rent, make sure the utilities stay on. We don't do it well, but it must be done.
Work is my biggest challenge when it comes to writing. It kicks my ass -- and not just because it tanks my energy and motivation. The time crunch makes it hard to get anything done. Then there's the wacked out scheduling -- there isn't one. If I get a long term position, I can settle into a routine for that period of time, but then what little time i had with the regular subbing positions gets eaten with classroom and teaching stuff. If I'm working the short term positions (a few days at most, usually), my schedule is so variable that it's hard to get into a routine for writing. I adjust my goals as best i can, but my progress is even slower, and it is very frustrating.
I still haven't found a way to make the job and my writing co-exist. Perhaps that will come when I have a regular position rather than a sub position, but I'm not holding my breath. From what I've heard from established teachers, it doesn't get much better even once you have built up your resources. Balancing work and writing will, apparently, always be a struggle. Yes, I know this is true for most working writers, but the search for that balance is even harder for teachers -- they take work home with them.
I chose to work to support my family. Finding a way to keep work from eating up my writing career is proving to be harder than revising a chapter of Assassin's Choice.
It's been a busy week plus at our house, so I'm a little late on getting my usual organizational stuff done. Sometimes you just have to refocus on real life and come back when you can. Despite the busy week, I did get a bit accomplished, including, thank goodness, the new meta. It's short and probably horrendously over thought, but it's done.
Didn't do so bad on the rest of the week either:
» revisions: A.C., "Ravani's Dance"
» crits: 1 DII, 1-2 chs TAJ
» fresh: Metawriting, Booklog, Journeys
» plotting: Blood Moon
» expand: Quest
» database: 3 profiles - only managed 1
I did miss posting that second Journeys entry I wanted to write, and now it's gone. That's the problem with my head -- if it doesn't get written down, the 5 minute memory lifespan kicks in. I started on "Ravani's", but that's going to take a bit to finish. A.C., well let's just say I'm always struggling to even get the motivation up on that one -- which I actually belive may have been part of my topic for the other Journeys entry I wanted to write.
This week isn't that much different than last:
» revisions: A.C., "Ravani's Dance"
» crits: 1 DII, 1-2 chs TAJ
» fresh: Journeys, Lesson, World Building
» plotting: Blood Moon
» expand: Quest
» database: 2 profiles
I tweaked them a little, trying to tackle a few things that have been ignored for a long time. I figure I'll eventually find the right mix on my goals that both keeps me challenged, but also looks like I actually hit 90% or higher for completion. Right now I'm at around 50% on the writing goals, and things are about to get a bit more dicey since I'm sure the phone calls for subbing will start soon enough.
It used t be "writing novels sucks," but not anymore. For most writers, novels take awhile. The fact that I'm slower than most writers is something I don't particularly like, but I've accepted it to some degree. Some of this slowness is lack of time (amazing what even "just" being a sub can do to your life), some of it is lack of focus (particularly with the routine blown away and not having had much of a chance to return), but some of it is method. NPB (Novel Plot Building) takes me awhile. But that time is better than never finishing, which is what I used to do and why I used to hate novel writing. It may have been the natural length of the stories I created, but there was certainly nothing natural about it to me.
And then I developed NPB and the problem was solved. For writing the early drafts of novels. Shorts and poetry have never been a problem for me -- I could get a single short written in one day, sometimes 2. So far only one short has ever taken longer to get a complete first draft ("The Reckoning").
What's hurting me now is revising. "Painted" took me 6 days to revise. And it's not even that complicated a story. A chapter of Assassin's can take me 10 days or more to get through for a 4th round revision. Of course, Assassin's has some very specialized concerns -- for me, Alden is more poetic in nature. Poetic prose isn't all that easy to write. Add in issues that I'm having with trying to fit in modern language as well, and I'm sure you can see the problems. Every line needs ot be looked at carefully. I have to listen to how everything flows. The good news os the v5 revisions tend to be much easier -- all I'm doing is smoothing things out.
Unfortunately, I think these focused revisions for Assassin's are affecting how I revise everything else. Yes there needs to be an attention to language, to sound, but not at the same level. My other stories do not need to be poetic. In fact, if I want to maintain the difference between most my other writing and Alden writing, they shouldn't be poetic. They need to have a different flow. One that works for them, but is sharper, cleaner.
I know one of my favorite authors, Patricia McKillip, has made me more aware of words. Perhaps her writing combined with my revisions on Assassin's has made me more aware of my writing and where I want stories to go. this may be a good thing. But it also makes revisions even slower than writing, and it bothers me. Maybe not so much that they're slower than the actual initial drafting, but at how slow they are. A short story like "Painted" shouldn't take a week. Granted, there's a lot to do with focus (reminder to self: PS2 -- Cool toy. Don't let it take over.) and a lot to do with time (among the many issues last week was my son who is going through a tough time right now, and that means he requires more of my attention), but taking longer than 2 or 3 days to revise 3500 words is too long. Maybe I can't be Miss Zippy when writing and revising, but I can probably be faster than I am. I know i used to be slower at the writing and faster at the revising, and now I'm just plain slow and that bothers me.
And this problem is why I have difficulty approaching stories that need more than a revision. "Ravani's Dance" started off as a piece of fanfic. Names got changed, a few things got switched up, but it still wasn't working. My plan is to approach it this week, keeping elements of the original story, but making some major changes. This is revising but more than revising. It requires me to look at the story in a new way. And I've always found that hard to do. Perhaps that's another issue i have with revising itself: looking at these words I've written in a new way so I can find a better phrasing.
But isn't this what writers do? Envision the world in a new and different way? If I can't do that in my revisions, what hope is there in my writing? Since so many say they like my stories, I must be doing some re-envisioning just fine. I re-envision every day when I write. And that's what I need to tap into -- that success, that creativity. With that, i can come up with a new attitude about revising. Will it make the revision process go faster for me? Probably not. But it will make it suck a lot less.
It's not revising, which sucks. It's re-envisioning, which is my job.
A lot of writers find goals to be frustrating -- they become a straight jacket and consistently not finishing everything on the list makes them give up making goals. I have a different attitude about my goals: they are the bullseye I aim for, but I already know that I won't make 100%, so I never expect to. I do know that without them, I get a whole lot less done -- assuming I get anything done at all.
Last week was no exception:
» Revisions: A.C. (1 chapter), "Painted," Stolen Priest parts III-IV
» 1 crit
» Metawriting entry
» transfer 1 world building profile/day to my online database - managed 3
» plotting: Chosen, Under A Blood Moon
I actually got quite a bit done, most of it just wasn't writing related. What I did get upset about not getting to was posting here at Journeys -- I just kept running out of time. Really, it would be nice to be able to stay up past 2:30 in the morning and still be productive the next day. It just doesn't work for me. And, really, this was part of my problem last week -- I'd get off the comp around 2:30, then play on the PS2 for another hour. Must remember:
» The PS2:
Cool toy. Don't let it take over.
I'm pretty bad at that.
Anyway, I will make an effort to get those other Journeys posts this week. I have even made this a part of my goals for the week:
» revisions: A.C., "Ravani's Dance"
» crits: 1 DII, 1-2 chs TAJ
» fresh: Metawriting, Booklog, Journeys
» plotting: Blood Moon
» expand: Quest
» database: 3 profiles
Chosen has been tabled for the time being. I'm getting much needed feedback on Quest and Last Heir so that I can expand the current drafts. It's hard enough to revise one Alden novel while writing another; it's too much to work on 3 Alden novels at the same time. "Ravani's" will be another challenge since it will require re-envisioning it. I have an idea of what I want to do with it, but it will require that I rewrite it from scratch, and that's what keeps holding me up. The Meta must get done this week.
Next week school starts again, which means I go back to work sometime soon. Got to get in as much as I can now.
